Babies in Bars

There's an interesting discussion of kids in bars over on The New School. All-star Portland bartender King C presents kids-gone-wild battle stories, and goes on to point out that the OLCC loophole that allows kids in bars -- so they can eat the food served there -- is kind of absurd when applied to babes in arms. He concludes that "Babies don't belong in the bar."

I disagree with that to the extent that I would hate to see the OLCC or the legislature throw down a blanket prohibition on kids -- even babies -- in bars.  On the other hand, if individual pubs like Bailey's Taproom or Apex choose to exclude minors, I'm all for it.  It's nice to be away from the brats for a while, at least the under-21 brats. The current status quo is working well -- some places allow minors, others don't.  Patronize the one that works for you.

It strikes me that the argument is kind of like the smoking ban argument.  It's sometimes annoying to the other patrons when people bring their infants or lit cigarettes into a bar.  It's also easy for non-smokers and non-parents to work up some righteous indignation about both things, and to start talking about it in moral terms.  The smoking ban went through because it was sold as a public health issue, and I'm sure the same busybodies would love to go the same direction with minors in bars: "Won't somebody please think of the children?"  Please folks, let's not go there.

Speaking of babies in bars, Jonathan Lethem's brilliant sci-fi dystopian detective novel Gun, with Occasional Music takes place in a not-so-distant future where gene therapy has created adult-acting babies called "babyheads" who hang out drinking and smoking in "babybars".  Here's a Google Books chapter of the book where the protagonist meets a babyhead in a babybar -- hilarious.

I turned off comments on this post.  If you're opinionated on this subject, go read King C's original post and comment over there.

A Peek at Apex

It's not as though we lacked choices for beer bars in Southeast Portland, but the newly opened Apex at 12th and Division has generated a lot of excitement in town. And for good reason: owner Jesse McCann promises 50 taps of craft beer, reasonable prices, hours from 11:30 AM to 2:30 AM every day, meticulously clean tap lines, and tons of bike parking. Whew! Sounds good.

I've been to Apex a couple of times now, and I really like it. It's probably going to be one of my most regular haunts, especially since Los Gorditos taqueria next door makes it a fast, cheap lunch option, and Beermongers is conveniently located right across the street. The beer menu on the bar's website is kept up to date in real time: in fact the menu in the bar is a big-screen TV that shows the website.  What a simple yet brilliant idea. One disappointment is that Apex didn't hit the ground running with honest pints. Some Belgian and European beers will be served in correct glassware with marked volume lines, but the standard pints are just in regular conical pint glasses.  Also, it would be nice if the beer was served a little less cold.

According to Ezra, Apex's atmosphere is inspired by San Francisco stalwarts Toronado and Zeitgeist. You can see the similarities: like Toronado, the focus is entirely on good beer at reasonable prices with no food service but loud music; like Zeitgeist there is a lot more seating outside than in, and you park your bicycle right in the beer garden. However, there are noticeable differences: unlike its SF cousins, there are lots of windows and light inside Apex, and the outside seating is right out on the street, not hidden in the back. Also, the no-smoking policy on the patio makes it quite different from Zeitgeist. Not to be negative, but the "No"s kind of define Apex:

• No smoking anywhere.
• No food.
• No table service.
• No kids.
• No dogs.
• No credit cards.
• No car parking.
• No dartboard.
• No toilets.  Just kidding, there are two: one Men's and one Unisex.

All of those make good sense to me, except I do wish there was a dartboard.  If kids or dogs were allowed, I would sometimes show up with one or the other, but there are also times when you'd like to be away from everyone else's kids and dogs, so I don't count those as negatives.

The place is open now, but the Grand Opening celebration will be May 7th.  Obviously I'm a little late reporting on Apex.  For further reading, check out Ezra's insider's guide to Apex (he's working there), or these eyewitness reports from Angelo, Jason, and Jeff (pedXer).

The Bomber Price Penalty

The thing that got me started comparing and tracking beer prices was the observation that it usually costs you more -- ounce for ounce -- to have your reusable growler filled at a brewpub than it does to buy disposable bottles that have gone through packaging, wholesaling, and retailing.  This growler price penalty is apparently due to the fact that bars have a different business model than bottle shops and groceries.  But there's a related pricing issue that doesn't make any sense at all:  the disparity between the retail prices of 22-ounce bombers and 12-ounce bottles sold in 6- or 12-packs.

Don't start in on me with comments like "if you want it, just pay the price, otherwise shut up".  I'm not saying that no bomber is worth the price.  But it is worth pointing out that: 1. The exact same beer costs more in big bottles than in small ones, and 2. Similar products such as soda pop or liquor are priced in the opposite way -- bigger packages cost less per ounce than smaller ones.  To illustrate the point, I'll show you the price difference for a few beers I saw recently at a big grocery store in Portland, and also a similar comparison of Coca-Cola prices (Pepsi prices were identical).  We'll use the legal tender of It's Pub Night: the U.S. dollar and the Six-Pack Equivalent (SPE).

• Anchor Steam:
  
  • bomber: $3.39 (SPE $11.09)
  • 6-pack: $9.29
  • penalty: $1.80
   
• Deschutes Mirror Pond:
  
  • bomber: $2.89 (SPE $9.46)
  • 6-pack (sale): $5.99
  • penalty: $3.47
   
• MacTarnahan's Amber:
  
  • bomber (sale): $2.69 (SPE $7.43)
  • 12-pack (sale): $12.99 (SPE 6.50)
  • penalty: $0.93
   
• Sierra Nevada Pale Ale:
  
  • 24 oz. bomber: $2.89 (SPE $8.67)
  • 6-pack (sale): $6.99
  • penalty: $1.68
   
• Widmer Hef:
  
  • bomber: $2.99 (SPE $9.79)
  • 12-pack (sale): $11.99 (SPE $6.00)
  • penalty: $3.79
   
• Coca-Cola:
  
  • 2-liter bottle (sale): $1.67 (SPE $1.78)
  • 12-pack (sale): $5.00 (SPE $2.50)
  • discount: $0.72

For each of the above beers, I took the lowest big-bottle price and compared its SPE to that of the lowest small-bottle price. That highlights another aspect of the bomber trickery: bomber prices are marked down less frequently than 6-packs or 12-packs, which are on sale almost every single day at big groceries. In case you're worried about apples-to-apples comparisons, even if I use non-sale six-pack prices for those matchups where the bombers weren't marked down, the bomber penalty is still 80 cents for Deschutes and $1 for Widmer, though Sierra Nevada did fall into line with about a 52-cent discount.

Nor was the Coke pricing a fluke -- there was a similar discount at several groceries around town. By the way, even though I translated the cola prices into SPE, the grocery shelf tags at most stores give you comparison prices in pints. Kind of backwards -- I usually think of cans of pop, and pints of beer.

Spread the word about the bomber price penalty. The fact that no other product is priced with a volume penalty instead of a volume discount leads me to believe that bomber pricing is simply a swindle.