Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Opening a Twist Off

A few weeks ago when I was writing about Full Sail Session Lager, I had my wife take some pictures of my favorite party trick: opening a twist-off bottle with my forearm.

You'll have to take my word for it that the bottle was open. I wish the cap had stuck to my arm for that last photo, instead of exposing an alarming vortex of puckered skin. Good lord, am I that jowly? Don't worry, you can almost always do this without breaking the skin at all. The Internet supplies us with this unillustrated how-to. My technique is a little different: I hold the bottle in my left hand, and open it by pivoting my right arm counter-clockwise from the elbow.

Of course, there aren't that many West Coast snob-worthy beers that come in screw-tops. Lagunitas is the only one I can think of off the top of my head. [Update 2009/04/30 (and later): Full Sail, Terminal Gravity, Hale's, Alaska Brewing, MacTarnahan's.] Are Bridgeport sixers twist offs? Opening a growler with your forearm isn't very dramatic.

My trick isn't so great when you compare it to this:

The guy sniffs the bottle! Dude, you need to find the bottlecap!


  1. That's a dangerous trick with Lagunitas...they glue their caps on, and I've got the scars to prove it.

    One must ALWAYS sniff the High Life after a tittie-twister.

  2. Non-Session Full Sail bottles are twisty, too...I don't think Bridgeport's are. You should buy me a six-pack so I can find out for you.

  3. Dave: Next time I see you in your bikini I'll bring over some Bridgeport to try.

  4. You'll have to wait in line with the rest of the riff-raff...it'll have to be soon, while it's still a tit bit nipply outside.

  5. Yeah, if that woman had tried to open a bottle of Saint Arnold that way she'd have given herself a mastectomy.

  6. Wow, this blog has really gone down hill... maybe you should review Genny Light next? A Rochester favorite! That could definitely be opened with a boob. Hope she didn't get any milk in it.

  7. Jill: Milk? Probably not. You have a one-track mind.

    Times are tough, people are trading down to twist-offs. Bloggers have to join the race to the bottom or risk being left on top with retired CEOs.